Monday, 25 April 2022

Jacques and I cooked today! We cooked! It was so much fun. It was very dissolving. It was wrong, but not obscene. It was wrong, because we are not supposed to cook without supervision from the Kitchen Staff. Jacques has this little portable stove thing he keeps hidden under his bed, he brought it to the building site today. I’m so excited. Also: a fish! A really big fish. We ate the eyes first. It was very dissolving. We couldn’t stop laughing. I think Bebe would have been so proud of us, I’m so happy. We spent all morning cooking, we didn’t work at all. We lit the stove rubbing stones on sticks, it was messy and confusing, we were in hysterics. The fish was sizzling like crazy. We didn’t have any oil to fry it on. It all went so unbelievably wrong, we couldn’t stop laughing. We ate it. All of it. It was disgusting. We gobbled it up. We kept screaming to each other, "Gobble it up! Gobble it up!". How funny. It was funny. We felt light. Afterwards we lay on the grass and watched the clouds move. We fell asleep and missed lunchtime, I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my entire life. Jacques and I had sex on the grass by the building site, burping dirty fish on each other’s faces. We were just lying there, feeling warm and satisfied like we never had before. We held hands. The earth was warm and I felt so full and so complete. From head to toes I didn’t feel there was a single bit missing, I had never felt like that before. We were holding hands. He squeezed my hand tight, I squeezed his hand tight, so tight, it was not obscene. I was wearing a yellow cotton dress and my sleeve had slipped down my shoulder, my left breast was showing. Jacques licked it. I pressed his face tight against my chest. I giggled and squeaked, it was not obscene. We kissed. For so long. It was warm. He whispered, "We cooked!", and we both laughed, we rolled on the grass, on top of each other, laughing. How warm it was, I can still feel it now. The grass shone. It is always sunny here, that’s why I keep coming back, Jacques took off my dress over my head, I took off his trousers down his legs, I took off his T-shirt over his head, we were naked, so warm, the grass shone, I was on all fours and couldn’t stop laughing, smiling, I grabbed his hand, his thighs, he entered me. I thought I was going to explode. There was no end to it. I screamed. I bet they could’ve heard us from across the fields. I didn’t want it to end, and so it didn’t, it continued forever. I can still feel it. He held my left hand tight. I didn’t want it to end, and so it didn’t. The grass shone.

I am in love and dissolving. Tomorrow is going to be a great day. It is so pretty here.

Thursday, 28 April 2022

Jacques and I have stopped working altogether, now we just sit on the wet grass and chew on wheat sticks all morning. I don’t think I’ll tell anyone about that. I haven’t seen Jonah all week. I haven’t asked Leo about The Bomb. I sat next to him during movie time last night, Wednesday night. We watched Singin' in the Rain. Jacques had some biscuits with him, from out in the big, big fields, and I asked if we could share them with Leo because I knew he wouldn’t tell anyone. He didn’t offer to talk about The Bomb, so we didn’t ask. We just ate our biscuits, slowly so no one would hear the crunching. Jacques and I cuddled a bit. After the movie we talked about the smell of wet grass, and teased each other about some of our body parts - Jacques’ nose, Leo’s unbelievably coarse chest hair, my belly button that sticks out and looks like a miniature brain. Jacques licked it. We rolled on the grass.